Journeying to Joy

Wrapped in a furry blanket in the early morning, with a steaming mug of coffee in my hands, this is the place where I plant my roots with the Father. Where I find my steadiness, and the substance of His presence and companionship to carry me through the day. It’s as sure as putting on my clothes, surer if I am honest. But that does not mean I am never surprised by what happens here. Such as the deep surge of joy that took me off guard on one of those recent mornings. Joy didn’t make sense that morning, yet it was almost unbearably beautiful, brought on by the early morning sunlight streaming in the room. Nevertheless, in a way, it seemed irrational, confusing my brain, that still wants to make sense of everything. God bless my brain; it still hasn’t fully figured out that God’s thoughts are higher than my thoughts. There was little in my circumstances that called for joy that morning. I was currently up to my eyeballs in debt; brought on by events one could hardly consider just. So, with more bills piling up, and less answers than ever, with just more questions, my brain was taken off guard …by joy?  

Well, yes...JOY! 

Because before that incredible joy took me by surprise, I had been basking in a beautiful warm sense of deeply fought, hard-won...peace. 

It turns out peace and joy work together. 

Stay with me here because I know this sounds irrational. Especially since I have shared circumstances that would hardly be a source of peace or joy. But that’s just it! My circumstances were not my source of joy or peace! 
 
6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 
​
Philippians 4:6-7 

To be honest, I have often found this verse discouraging. There I said it. Because If I were being honest, which I will be, I would share my troubles with the Lord and feel no peace. I felt like I was being robbed, like somehow this verse was not working for me. Until, in brutal honesty, I had to admit I did not trust the Father with my problems. I would share my anxious thoughts with the Lord, make my requests known to Him, in a somewhat hopeless routine, hoping something would stick, and then continue to worry and try to figure out my circumstances on my own. My heart simply did not know the Father firsthand. I was still wrapped up in beliefs I had formed from past hurts, and I did not trust that His plans were better than mine.  

I said at the beginning of this article that my peace was hard won, and that is so deeply true. To face why I did not trust my Father God, to wrestle through past pains and disappointments with Him, and to get to know my Father’s heart for me, has been a battlefield played out in my heart and mind. You can know the truth in your head, that God the Father is a good Father, quote all the right scripture, while your heart is steadfastly ignoring it. To allow your heart to ask the hard questions to God Himself, to give ourselves permission to vomit up the mess that our hearts are containing, our hearts are messy, so I won’t apologize here, and give that mess to the Father is incredibly hard work. It is also simultaneously hugely freeing, no more performing and no more pretending with the Father... just honesty. And then to invite Him to speak to your heart directly in that place, this is transformative,  

this is being fully known,  

fully surrendered and loved.  

Then, and only then, can we go to the Father with our prayers and supplications, making our requests known to Him and know, much more deeply on a heart level, who we are speaking to, and to whom we are making our requests. Knowing who our Father is in our hearts, through experience and walking with Him is powerful. This and only this provides us with the capacity to receive not only an intellectual idea of peace, but a deeply created space for His gift of peace to take hold, to grow. Because His peace and yes, joy, are much more than concepts for our brains to experience, ask anyone who struggles with anxiety or pain; they will tell you. 
 
Keep your heart with all vigilance, 
    for from it flow the springs of life. 

Proverbs 4:23 

Entering the journey of knowing who the Father is, deeply in our hearts, creates in us, a deep well and new capacity in our hearts, shifting that space from containing previous feelings of abandonment to a relationship with the Father, from isolation to companionship with the Father, from independence to a childlike trust in the Father and from fear to safety and His love.  
And with that well of our hearts no longer filled with fear and distrust, but instead washed in His peace, there is space to experience joy. Where a simple morning sunbeam can be overwhelming, and joy can flood the depths of your heart and being in a way that is indescribable. Because the space in your heart has been prepared to receive that joy. 

5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. 

Romans 5:5 

Take the journey towards the Father my friend, be brave and honest, because joy is waiting! He is so worth it! 
 
Blessings, 
Christine